Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
