I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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