do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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