I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
