I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
