Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
