She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
