the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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