if you like me you must not know who I am
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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