i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
