i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she told me i tasted like america
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
