for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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