i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
