But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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