Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
