More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just pee around me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
