zippers are such a cool invention
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
