I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
