I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
