Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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