:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
