Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
