I want to walk on stilts...naked
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
