I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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