hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
