do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
