The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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