If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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