it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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