he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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