You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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