I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
