Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
