How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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