apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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