i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
