I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
