"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
