you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
