Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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