I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
