i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
