2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
