oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
