Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
