I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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