i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
