How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
