I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
