if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
