if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
