dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
