Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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